It's honesty time: I'm feeling super emotional about selling my house. 7 years of my life have been spent in this house, designing it, making it my own. Every colour we painted, every finish and fixture that we changed was changed to make it feel like a home for us. We even chose our furniture especially for this house. We set it up just the way we liked it. Our first house. We grew and changed so much as people in this house. Even the 'For Sale' sign out front of the house triggered powerful emotions in me.
Over the past month, in getting my house ready for sale, I've shown it more care and respect than I ever have in the past 7 years. And I found myself asking why I didn't clean the walls regularly, why I didn't touch up the paint when it got marked up, why I didn't replace the door right away when it stopped working right, why I let my counters have dirty dishes on them overnight, why I didn't just vacuum the baseboards once a week when I vacuumed the floors. Because I realize now how much I love how my house looks and feels when it's at its best. And it doesn't take much to keep it that way if I do it regularly. In caring so attentively for my home in the past month I made friends with it, I thanked it for keeping me safe and realized that somewhere along the way, my funny little modular/trailer that we were only going to have for a few years until we left town became a wonderful home.
Then it really hit me. Why don't I show myself that same care and respect? It felt like cleaning and caring for my home was a metaphor for cleaning and caring for myself. When I'm the best I can be, I love how I look and feel. I am friends with myself and I love myself. And unlike my house, I will always have my body, mind and soul to call home. Like a house, I can change much about myself physically, mentally and spiritually. But unless I nurture myself regularly with special care and attention, I am not at home within myself.
I am not usually attached to possessions at all, but this house feels different. I feel different. Owning and caring for a home taught me how important it is that I need to own and care for myself. And it wasn't until I had to leave this home that I learned this lesson. Life will keep putting you in places to learn your lessons. My house is one of those places.
Thank you, house and home for your lessons. I will take them into my next home and into myself. I'm sad to be letting you go, but that's what I needed to learn this lesson. And now I know that I have a home in myself no matter where I am in the world. <3